The tape recorder in my head

"What's wrong with you?"
"For being so smart, you sure are stupid."
"You're being lazy."

The mean person saying these things to me is... me.

These phrases come from the tape recorder in my head that plays over and over. We all "beat ourselves up" with our dysfunctional internal dialogue. It's not helpful. But how do you erase these phrases and record better ones? That process has been a long, ongoing one for me, but I have four hints that might help you if you are trying to rewrite that fundamental self-talk which greatly influences our thinking and productivity.

Notice everything.
The first step to being able to re-record your internal tape recorder is to start noticing when it plays. Often, we talk to ourselves without realizing we're doing it. The phrases in your tape recorder most liklely came from well-meaning caretakers during childhood, who guided us and repeated advice that we likely needed at the time. Because we were young, and the tape was largely blank, some phrases are embedded very deeply, maybe disproportionately to their true significance or usefulness. Still, because this is an unconscious process until we make it conscious, we're likely to apply a phrase to a situation that doesn't warrant such emphasis.

Notice the tape recorder. Notice when it happens. Notice how it happens. Notice what triggers it. Is it when you wake up? Is it in the middle of the night? Is it right after you made a mistake? Is it right before you have to make a big decision? Being conscious about this common process can draw your attention to how to start recording purposefully.

Replace instead of remove.
Sometimes, when I first started noticing how often I told myself those phrases from childhood, I began to beat myself up even more, by telling myself STOP! JUST STOP THINKING THAT! Of course, that made everything worse. How could I be so stupid to allow unconsciousness to drive my life? Ironically, I was re-using the same phrases to scold myself internally about using those very phrases! It's very difficult to using "STOP" as an action, because by nature, stopping is inaction. If you stop doing something, you're doing "nothing" and that is equally unproductive. Instead, I started approaching this as a replace instead of remove. Once I noticed an unwanted phrase popping up in my consciousness, I decided to replace that with better advice I had heard recently.

Make a list.
Some of the "better" advice I would replace with, was not always applicable or even the best advice. So I set out to make a conscious list, predetermined, of things I wanted to tell myself. Here are a few that stuck, after some iterations of trial and error:

  • What you do comes back to you.
  • Struggle does not equal Accomplishment.
  • Relax - Arch - Neutral
  • Hate never dispels hate. Only Love dispels hate.
  • Look away, steer away.
  • They only try and tackle the one with the ball.
  • What do I want? One thing.
  • How are you going to make that happen?
  • Projection: sometimes people are talking to themselves.
  • Take out the trash.

Take action.
The funny thing about talk, even self-talk, is that talk is cheap. The only valuable idea behind talk is that thought spurs action. What is in your head comes out anyway, but if the unconcious becomes reality without our intervention, we are allowing ourselves to be led along. We are not truly living our own lives. So, after one of these dialogues with myself, I try to come up with what will I do, the very next thing, and when. If I'm speaking to myself in the middle of the night, this allows me to feel safe to go back to sleep. And if it's the middle of the day, this allows me to focus on what I'm doing instead of worrying about something that I can't deal with at the moment.


I realized after being able to re-record my own phrases onto my internal tape recorder, that I had the power all along. And it was easy to do. All I had to do was recognize it, replace bad with good, consciously select the good advice that worked, then act on it!

  • 11 March 2018
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Another portmanteau from the dictionary of Jen, aka Jenictionary:

"errucation" 

[eh-rr-yoo-KAY-shuhn]

Meshing error with education to mean, learning from others’ mistakes rather than your own.

Nothing will happen without the belief that it will happen.

When I was younger, I said yes to everything. It was necessary to create opportunities from nothing. As I get older, I say no more often. I can now choose the opportunities I want to spend valuable time on, and this turns my productivity and impact on.

NO = ON

I just made up another word... Dictionary of Jen:

"confirmationbiatis" 

[kon-fer-MEY-shuhn-BAHY-tuhs]

The condition of suffering from chronic or extreme confirmation bias. Afflicting otherwise healthy, smart, normal individuals, this malady usually flares up after controversial events, especially political in nature.
{See itoldyouso}

Authority without responsibility is dangerous. Responsibility without authority is ineffective. Without either, you just have a title.

The key to persistence and ultimately achievement is recognizing a lack of gain is not a loss. You can't lose what you don't yet have.

I say, Sweat the small stuff! How do I know this works? Mandelbrot Theory.

The best way to handle fear, especially illogical fear, is to be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I believe in Serendipity more than Luck.

I'm defined not by what has happened to me, but by what I've done despite it.

What is Education? They say you learn from your mistakes. But I say it's lazier to learn from others' mistakes.  #ShareYourKnowledge

Absence of fear is not a prerequisite for action.

If you're running from your past, likely you're going the opposite direction of your future.

The single most accurate predictor of success is Optimism.

Someone asked me, "Where do you get your energy?" I don't acquire energy... I just release it.

Everyday I ask myself, what would I do today if I had no clock, no phone, no obligations. And then I do THAT. At least for part of the day.

I see my life like Freefall. You cannot add any time to it, you just have to make it count.

Stolen from a friend: Don’t be the sage on the stage. Be the guide on the side.

Knowledge dissipates Fear.

My wishes get me nowhere. My dreams get me anywhere. My actions get me there.

I have a tendency to be accidentally controversial. It happens when I speak the truth.

Be A Part instead of Apart.

The more overtones you have, the more resonant you can be.

Overtones are akin to richness of experience, depth of understanding.
Resonance with others equates to empathy, cooperation.

Though I awake much earlier than most, I am not an early bird. I'm late compared to the birds. I am an early human.

A "collection" = having two or more of something. I have a collection of ideas, toilet paper rolls, experiences, plants, rocks, kids.

I think it's not the instance of injury or trauma that brings the most pain. It's the healing.

“Expect the Unexpected” is not something someone can decide to do, not something they can do consciously, at least for any sustained length of time. Otherwise you'd be expecting it.

The biggest cause of suffering in the world comes from misplaced anger.

Why do we assume "all natural" items are good for us? I mean, cobra venom. That's natural. So is lightning.

Sometimes we sacrifce the equality of rights by trying to contrive equality of outcomes.

Another word from the Dictionary of Jen:

"chameleontegrity" 

[kəˈmēlyən teɡrədē]

Variable character of integrity that changes based on the level of integrity of surrounding people. For example, the behavior of being honest and fair if people around them are honest and fair, but lying if other people in the situation are lying. 

Rage is all the rage...
Why is being angry trendy? I've never found pessimism or apathy to be fashionable.

The true test of maturity is maintaining connection amidst disagreement.

 Another portmanteau from the Jenictionary:

"compattention" 

[comp-uh-TEN-shuh n]

Competition for attention, usually in the form of being dramatic or loud, e.g. almost all two year olds. In severe, habitual cases, it can take the form of self absorbedness, insatiable pursuit of accolades and achievement for the sake of approval from others.
{See lookatme}

THOUGHTS. The only thing a person has control over is inside their own head. I have control over that tape recorder that plays and my goals and images of what I want to happen. So, the tape recorder comes from my past. It covers my past and is my story. The goals and images of what I want to happen cover my future. So... I only have control over my past and future. Oh wait so, the only thing I have control over is everything.

"Do your Best" rather than "Be the Best"

Anyone who claims to be elightened, yet uses that same claim to infer superiority over those "unenlightened" ... not there yet. Try again.

A small hinge opens a big door.

Momentum is useless without the right trajectory.

 


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My daughter and the swingset

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FLY PIG FLY!!

Best Ever Debrief Strategy

FLY PIG FLY!!

The debrief is a great opportunity for instructors to facilitate the learning process by encouraging the student to recognize their achievements and what they did correctly as well as help them realize what is needed to move forward in their skill development. The student must become more aware of their strengths and weaknesses and take responsibility for their training. The Debrief, much like the Ground, can be divided into both the Content and the Presentation. The instructor’s role during the debrief should be one of a facilitator. Asking questions and directing the student to the right information through self-realization will be of greater benefit to the student.

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